I always thought Vegas would be a great host city for the Summer Olympics.

Well, if everyone could get past the 120-degree August heat. There isn't as much pollution as Beijing and where some cities have trouble building out their Olympic facilities, Vegas already has some world-class facilities and whatever is lacking, could be built in a matter of weeks.

I guess it's a long shot that Vegas could ever host the Summer Olympics, but that doesn't mean that future games couldn't benefit from the addition of a few Vegas "sports." I'm not talking about horse racing or even poker, for those that consider playing cards a sport.

These sports are at the very core of a memorable Vegas experience and would definitely add some sex appeal (beyond beach volleyball) and bring excitement back to the games. I mean, seriously, if someone can win an Olympic gold medal in trampoline, these Vegas sports are definitely medal worthy:

Stripper Biathlon: I'm sure I read on Wikipedia somewhere that the original Olympic games in ancient Greece had something similar to the Stripper Biathlon, but maybe that was the Heraea Games.

In the modern Stripper Biathlon, instead of long-distance running and shooting guns, athletes have pole and lap with all events being performed in six-inch acrylic high heels.

In the pole portion of the event, competitors must perform a 4:13 routine to Prince's "Darling Nikki." Contestants will be judge on creativity, stamina and full use of the pole.

The lap portion is almost marathonic similar to the cross country running portion of the officially sanctioned biathlon. Contestants can choose music of their liking to perform a 2:30 lap dance for each judge. With 10 judges, that's more than 20 minutes of lap dancing. Unless of course the judges have some extra twenty-dollar bills, in which case, the contestants can stay longer dancing for each judge.

Where to Find Stripper Biathlon in Vegas: Scores, Sapphire, Spearmint Rhino, Olympic Garden

Synchronized Dance Floor: How many times have you walked into a Vegas club and seen two attractive girls on the dance floor doing the exact same dance in almost the exact same revealing outfit? That's the wonderful sport of Synchronized Dance Floor. Contestants are judged on attractiveness, costumes, dance moves, synchronization and ability to hold liquor.

There are three rounds of the competition with a shot of Patron before during and after each round. That third round is where many an Olympic dream ends in unconsciousness, nausea-related activity or calling ex-boyfriends.

Where to Find Synchronized Dance Floor in Vegas: The Bank, Tabu, TAO, Moon/Playboy Club, VooDoo

Acrobatic Gymnastics: I think this sport has the best shot of making it. With all of the Cirque du Soleil shows in Vegas, some of the world's best gymnasts are performing live in Vegas almost every night. Women's Gymnasitcs are always one of the biggest television draws at any Summer Olympic games. This year, millions of Americans will tune in to see Alicia Sacramone, Chellsie Memmel, Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson bring gymnastics gold back to the United States. While I respect their athleticism and commitment to the support, I think some of the Cirque du Soleil performances are much more difficult and plus you get much cooler music like The Beatles in Love instead of some of the stuff they play on the floor exercises.

Where to Find Acrobatic Gymnastics in Vegas: O, Ka, Love, Le Reve | Get Tickets

Competitive Eating: Nathan's on Coney Island gets all the eating buzz every summer with the hot dog eating competition, but with all of the buffets in Vegas, there is no reason Sin City shouldn't be the center of the competitive eating world. And this is one sport, I wouldn't mind training for.

Where to Find Competitive Eating in Vegas: City's Best Buffets

UFC: So the sport should really be called mixed-martial arts (MMA), but UFC is the first name in MMA and has some interesting elements like the Octagon. Almost all of the historic UFC battles have been waged on Vegas soil, er, sand. After all, UFC is headquartered here, but it has become an international phenomenon.

The official Summer Olympics has judo, taekwondo and wrestling, but nothing that combines them all together in a fenced Octagon. Again, not to discount any of the hard work the Olympians put into their training, but I'd put my money on Chuck Liddell over any of the gold medalists from those three official Olympic events. In fact, I think The Iceman might be able to take all three of them at once.

Plus the bonus of having UFC in the summer Olympics: Octagon Girls.

These are just of the of the Vegas games that, if added, would actually make the Olympics fun to watch again. And really, they don't have to even be summer games. These Vegas activities are just as great in winter.

If it's too late for them to be in rotation for London 2012, maybe they'll make the cut for Rio 2016 or who knows, Vegas 2024?

The O.J. Simpson "Great Vegas Robbery" is a big, hot alleged mess, isn't it?

Orenthal was held as a flight risk for a few days and then posted a $125,000 bail and flight risked back to Florida. A jailed friend of a local nightlife fixture who was in the same holding cell as Orenthal is saying that he admitted to killing his wife and gave a speech about double jeopardy. Orenthal is alleging that former LAPD detective Mark Fuhrman hatched this robbery conspiracy at retribution.

Now, O.J.'s main accuser and alleged sports memorabilia dealer, Alfred Beardsley, has been outed as a convicted felon and arrested in Vegas for a parole violation.

And to think with the memorabilia, all of this is just for a few bucks and a better feedback rating on eBay.

If He Stole It
If the legal proceedings back in 1994 weren't strange enough, each day that passes in Orenthal's current legal saga gets weirder and weirder. As the facts in the case start to surface, I'm expecting Orenthal to once again be acquitted, but this time it won't be the trial of the century or even decade.

I'm also expecting 'The Onion' or some other respected publication to publish a full, word-by-word parody version of 'If I Did It: Confessions of a Killer' as 'If I Stole It: Confessions of a Sad, Sad Man.'

Conspiracy Theory
TMZ has an audio excerpt that allegedly features Orenthal allegedly going "commando" in an alleged Vegas hotel room, but it's hard for me to tell from just audio if Orenthal is wearing underwear or not. Heck, I can't even tell if the voice is actually Orenthal or someone pretending to be Orenthal. It sounds like a South Park version of Orenthal, but I'm not a forensics expert.

Vegas does have a lot of professional impersonators and honestly, with the poor recording quality and bleeping, it sounds like it could have been anybody.

If there isn't a conspiracy, why does a recording exist anyway? Vegas casinos have a lot of video surveillance, but they haven't started bugging the rooms, yet. Oh Mark Fuhrnam, is your alleged 14-year-old grudge finally being satisfied?

The Other Glove Drops
I expect to Orenthal to be acquitted, not based on the facts of the case, but since exiting football and the demise of the 'Naked Gun' movies, acquital is the only thing Orenthal has been really good at.

For these legal proceedings, Orenthal will have to make a go without the masterful defense strategy and rhymes of the late Johnnie Cochran. The only way that the part showman, part lawyer will be able to aid Orenthal is if Carlos Mencia lends the services of "The Ghost of Johnnie Cochran."

Vegas Alibi Kit
The good news for Orenthal is that the marketing wizards behind the "What Happens in Vegas" campaign developed a Vegas Alibi Kit. If you were naughty in Vegas, you can use the Vegas Alibi Generator 2.0 to create a clean alibi to take home to friends, family and colleagues. There is also a photo faker tool to back up the story. Orenthal can take his Vegas mug shot to superimpose on the available photos.

It's easy, the generator asks you a series of multiple choice questions based on likes and dislikes and then spits out an alibi. One of the examples they use on the site is "I had to unbutton my pants." That is cleaned up to be a dining reference.



Inspired by 'If I did It,' I pretended to be Orenthal and answered the following questions from the Vegas Alibi Generator 2.0. Some of the questions and answer choices were eerie:
1. Before heading to Vegas, I take inventory of my closet.
2. Custom-fit clubs really gets my juices flowing.
3. If given the choice, I'd watch The Home Shopping Network.
4. People tell me that I remind them of Cher.
5. Among friends, I am known for my swing.
6. Second helpings give me the goosebumps.
7. I've been saving up for something leather.
8. When I was a child, I had a tendency to swing sticks at balls.
9. I have this recurring nightmare where the bouncer won't let me in.

The alibi that the machine spat out was "All I did was shop." It doesn't say anything about five-finger discounts, but to back up the story, the Vegas Alibi Generator 2.0 gives the following instruction, also eerie:

Now if anyone asks:

• What's with all these credit card charges?
• Why are you wearing new pants?
• Why are your shoulders so sore?

Your story goes like this:

After buying a few things at Grand Canal Shoppes you were so tired you stopped to eat at Garden Buffet. The next day, you hit Las Vegas Outlet Center and Dillard's and topped the day with Chidos w/ Emery, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, The Devil Wears Prada.

Remember! Keep your shopping bags, receipts, and tags 'cause nothing backs up an alibi like evidence.

Yes indeed, nothing backs up an alibi like evidence.

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I don't know about you, but I can't turn on the TV without finding at least one documentary on Las Vegas; most of them being about the security measures casinos have in place to catch criminals.

I guess greedy people do not watch these shows, because if they did, they wouldn't continue to do stupid things like, let's see... use counterfeit money in casinos!

That's exactly what happened at Caesars Palace, where a counterfeit ring targeting the casino was recently busted. The short story is that two people put $60,000 worth of fake money in slot machines at Caesars and every cent of it was traced back to them.

The best part about the story is that, not only did these two idiots use counterfeit money, they signed up for a players card to receive hotel comps! Talk about a new level of greed.

If you were a criminal defense attorney serving as a pro tem judge in Las Vegas, or anywhere for that matter, do you think you would have the time, or even the desire, to have a MySpace page? And if you did have a MySpace page, do you think it would be wise to list "breaking my foot off in a prosecutor's ass" as one of your interests?

You probably answered no to at least one of the previous questions, but Jonathan MacArthur (seen left, in his trying-hard-to-be-artsy, half-face photo from MySpace) allegedly answered yes to both and now he is out of a job.

The 34-year-old criminal defense attorney in North Las Vegas was fired recently, after his MySpace page was found by Clark County District Attorney David Roger. After finding the page, Roger faxed a copy to court administrator Terri March, informing her that he would file a motion to recuse MacArthur from his role as substitute judge if the court didn't cut him first. Before you know it, MacArthur was unsurprisingly fired.

In addition to his "foot-in-the-ass" comment, MacArthur's MySpace page also, according to the Associated Press story, laid out his attitude towards prosecutors using a certain graphic phrase that he claimed was common "among blacks, people who associate with blacks or in a sports context."

Using the, "people who know me..." defense, MacArthur said his comments were obviously just overstated for the effect. Even better, MacArthur said he is still planning to run for a job with the new judicial department that opens in North Las Vegas in 2009. Maybe this whole Internet thing will be over with by then.

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The criteria for judging a city's value should include the number of songs written about it. Sure, real estate, job market and schools are important metrics of a city's worth, but a city without a song is a city I don't want to live in. If a city can't inspire enough passion in someone to write a song about it (good or bad), then what is the quality of life like in that city?

Vegas has hundreds of songs written about it. It seems everybody has a Vegas tale to tell.There are tales of lament and tales of triumph, but when the jukebox stops, one thing is clear: Vegas is in the eye of the beholder.



Here are the top 25 songs ever written about or inspired by Vegas:

25. Sheryl Crow - 'Leaving Las Vegas' - This song should be higher, but when she went on late night TV and said the song was autobiographical (she didn't write it), it kind of just loses some appeal.
24. Stereophonics - 'Vegas Two Times' - If you like sloppy Welsh spelling bees, this is your jam.
23. Jimmy Ray - 'Goin' to Vegas' - Part genius, part fool, Jimmy Ray of 'Are You Jimmy Ray?' fame infuses a lot of excitement in this anticipatory song about a Vegas vacation.
22. Chumbawamba - 'Jesus in Vegas' - Yes the 'Tubthumping' kids wrote more than just that one song. This one isn't as catchy and seems angry more along the lines of their punk beginnings. According to the song, "Andrew Lloyd Weber is doing the lights."
21. Charlie Clouser - 'Let It Ride' - This is the theme song to NBC's 'Las Vegas' as shown in the UK. It has a Vegas sounding name and since Elvis already has two other songs on the list., this beat out "Little Less Conversation' -- the theme for the US broadcasts of 'Las Vegas.' Had there been a song called, 'Nikki Cox Rocks,' that probably would have made the list over these two.
20. Buck Owens - 'Big in Vegas' - Country legend sings about his aspirations to have his name in lights when he "turns 'em on in Vegas."
19. Hootie & the Blowfish - 'Las Vegas Nights' - It's only fitting that H&TBF has a song about Vegas since the band has the Shady Grove Lounge in Vegas at the Silverton.
18. Who Da Funk - 'Shiny Disco Balls' - This is a great dance song and had it been more about Vegas (or at least had more than three lines), it would have easily been at the top.
17. Geggy Tah - '''Las Vegas With the Lights Out' - This ditty is from the same album that had their big radio/TV commercial song 'Whoever You Are.'
16. Southern Culture on the Skids - '40 Miles to Vegas' - Another of the anticipatory songs about the actual journey to Vegas.
15. Gram Parsons - 'Ooh Las Vegas' - Also covered by the Cowboy Junkies and Emmylou Harris, this is a pretty song about the consequences of Sin City.
14. Nico - 'Vegas' - You either love Nico's voice or hate it and with this instrumentation, the same can be said about this song. I love it.
13. Barenaked Ladies - 'Conventioneers' - Alcohol and off-site work functions? Inhibitions don't stand a chance. This song proves what happens in Vegas, does not necessarily stay in Vegas.
12. The Thrills - 'Your Love Is Like Las Vegas' - I've been saying Vegas is getting too expensive. When an Irish rocker equates lost love to a "city that burnt me good," because he can only afford one weekend, I think I may be on to something. Either that, or he was dating an arsonist or a call girl.
11. Frankie Yankovic - 'Vegas Polka' - If accordions don't turn you're on, maybe you're just dead on the inside.
10. Clubstrophobia - 'Vegas' - Dance song with a fun Vegas video - worth the look.
9. Gomez - 'Las Vegas Dealer' - Nice English rock band making a nice English rock song about lost love that's not entirely clear if Lauren Lee's departure is due to her running off to deal blackjack or if there was a nasty incident with a Las Vegas drug dealer.
8. The B-52s - 'Queen of Las Vegas' - The schtick never grows old. This "Momma, rockin' on the roulette wheel" song is from 1983 and can hold it's own with any beehive-inspired new wave songs of today.
7. Size 14 - 'People Get Really Drunk in Las Vegas' - Their big hit was 'Claire Dane's Poster' but this song has a truthness to it that deserves a Top 10 induction on this list. Nothing like alcohol and no cutoff time to drown the sorrows of a busted romance.
6. Tori Amos - 'Don't Make Me Come to Vegas' - Kind of a different take on the Vegas songs. The beautiful read-headed piano chick is threatening to come to Vegas and yank someone out of bed. Nice.
5. Elvis Presley - 'Viva Las Vegas' - I put this in the top five because I had to otherwise my inbox would fill up with hate mail. Since I didn't put it number one, I think there are some anti-Fletch e-mails in my future, but the heart wants what the heart wants. I have to admit, before living in Vegas, this song was the first song I played to get pumped up for a trip to "bright light city" and I shouldn't rag on it too much because people like the Dead Kennedys and Johnny Ramone have covered it, but I guess it's a case of saturation for me and the fact that there's another song on the "Viva Las Vegas" music soundtrack that is better than this one. Yes, I said it.
4. Tom Waits - 'Straight to the Top (Vegas)' - This is a nice pseudo-swinging affair from "gravel throat."
3. Cocteau Twins - 'Heaven or Las Vegas' - Man, most of the time I don't know what she's singing or even what language she is singing it in, but this song (the whole album really) is transcendent.
2. Elvis Presley - 'Night Life' - Taken from the same soundtrack as "Viva Las Vegas," this song wins because of a universal truth that the album's namesake song doesn't have. Both songs do a great job of capturing the moment. 'Viva Las Vegas' is hyperactive just like the action on a casino floor and 'Night Life' slinks around with sex appeal. It all comes down to one lyric. If you adopt it as a mantra, your time in Vegas, and life, could be more successful: "You can't be a quitter when you're caught up in the glitter of the night life."
1. Dean Martin - Medley 'Drink to Me Only' - 'The Rat Pack Live at the Sands' captured probably the greatest live performances in the history of live performances. Even if you don't like this kind of music or have never heard of Dean Martin (or Maybe Frank or Maybe Sammy), this medley captures the essence of old-school Vegas which is the Vegas our collective consciousness longs for. Interestingly enough, none of the songs cobbled together were Vegas songs. Dean Martin added Vegas bits here and there. 'I Don't Care if the Sun Don't Shine' gets a non-Disney twist. 'I Love Paris' becomes 'I Love Vegas' and is the rocking part of the medley.

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Not to make light of the situation, but while members of the Las Vegas Culinary Workers Union are deciding whether to strike or not, they may want to look to the youth for tips on negotiating tactics.

If it weren't for those meddling kids, the menu at William V. Wright Elementary School may still include reheated frozen green beans. But, after a protest not at all akin to the Boston Tea Party or Tiananmen Square, students (not pictured) have gotten them banished. At least for now.

Yes, a class of second graders went bonkers recently and started a letter-writing campaign voicing their disdain for the sub-par green beans being served by the sweet, hair-net wearing ladies in the cafeteria. In an effort to keep the peace, the food service department of the Clark County School District quickly dispatched staff to the school to find out what alternatives the pint-sized Che Guevara's preferred.

The negotiation table was a salad bar of cooked, frozen and canned vegetables. The protesters liked corn and carrots, but not peas, which begs the question, "Why is everyone hatin' on green veggies at William Wright?"

District supervisor Sue Hoggan said that district dietitians would "tweak" the menu, based on the surveys filled out by students. However, in an "in-your-face," "I am the decider" move, she went on to say that the green beans would still occasionally be served.

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When people think of crazy music fans, old TV images of girls pulling their hair out at an Elvis Presley concert or fainting at the site of The Beatles come to mind. Then there are Jimmy Buffet's Parrot Heads with their props and costumes that proudly defy interpretation.

Perhaps the most overlooked crazed fan base is the Fanilows, fans of Barry Manilow. Even though Fanilows were 'outed' on an episode of 'Will & Grace,' they still largely remain unrecognized in the shadows of fandom.

Since 2005 when Barry launched his 'Music and Passion' show at the Las Vegas Hilton, Vegas has been Fanilow central. Ironically, the Hilton is the same location Elvis performed in his '70s Vegas heyday when it was known as the International. Whereas there is a statue commemorating the King of Rock 'n' Roll's appearances there, Barry has the largest hand-painted mural in Vegas celebrating his run in Vegas.

Unless someone has a visible 'Tony Hearts Lola' tattoo, it's hard to spot a Fanilow. There are really no outwardly detectable clues.

Fanilows are not so much into the self-mutilation like the Elvis fans, but are more passionate seemingly borrowing a line from Barry's 'Copacabana' hit: "Music and passion are always in fashion" when it comes to the Fanilows and their love for the Manilow.

Fanilows tend to be collectors and express their hopeless devotion with Barry-flavored merchandise. You might be a Fanilow if you walk into your living room and you have more than 100 Barrys looking back at you in the form of pillows, blankets, posters and the obligatory bobble head dressed in Barry's signature red velvet jacket.

In fact, you can buy one of four Barry bobbleheads at the Barry Manilow store at the Las Vegas Hilton. Some of the more interesting trinkets to prove your Fanilowness are (pictured below in order) the dog sweater, the baby onsie, the light up fan and the slot machine. You should browse the Barry Manilow online store, there's fragrance, lip balm, dog tags and even Barry wine.



In the Barry vs. Elvis debate it's interesting that Elvis is more associated with Vegas than any other music legend. I know Wayne Newton is Mr. Vegas and my fellow Sintatrians will disagree, but how many Frank Sinatra and Wayne Newton impersonators are marrying couples on Las Vegas Blvd.? If the Fanilows have anything to say about it, Barry will be in Vegas for many years and he will become the Mr. Vegas.

Maybe one day, in the not so distant future, someone that looks like Barry will be ordained as a minister and vested by the State of Nevada to marry couples and then the Fanilows can drive down the Strip in a Barry Manilow themed car and blast "Looks Like We Made It."

On a side note, Sunday, June 17 is Barry Manilow's birthday so Happy Birthday, Barry.

If, like me, you were too young to enjoy the hazy, beer-sodden, sex-driven days of the "hair band" in the hazy, beer-sodden arenas of Detroit, Cleveland and other points mid-west then you may wish to keep reading. If, like me, you were forced to get your fill of Axl and Slash and Vince afternoons after school via MTV, then your prayers--and mine--have indeed been answered.

Straight from the Sunset Strip in the City of Angels, heavy metal comedy tribute band Metal Skool will once again return to Vegas to rock the Rock in the City of Sin. The Hard Rock Hotel & Casino that is. Starting Thursday, April 26, and running through the first week of July, the fabulously tressed and oh-so-horrifically dressed foursome will throw down all your favorites from Warrant and Bon Jovi to Guns N' Roses and Poison inside Body English every Thursday. They'll also throw in some good banter and audience interaction. Plus no two shows are every entirely alike. Doors open at 9PM, the show starts at 10, and cover is $15 per person at the door.

To get an even better preview of whats in store, visit the Las Vegas Weekly for a write up on the guys when they played to audiences at Empire Ballroom.

About Xania
Xania spends her nights on the town and her days writing about those nights. Find more Xania on The Circuit and Xania's Hot Spots at Las Vegas Weekly.

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When I first got the press release that the Blue Man Group is looking for a fresh inventory of Blue Men, I really didn't think much of it other than posting the open casting call info on the blog. Sure, my body's overproduction of dihydrotestosterone and Scottish heritage have left me bald and somewhat blue, but the only time I think about the Blue Man Group is when I'm at the Venetian or at the airport, or watching television or driving down the Strip. Let's just say they have a healthy advertising budget.

As I read the release, certain seemingly unconnected events in my life started flashing in my head that lead to a thought that my destiny may be as a Blue Man. It's weird how sometimes the Cosmos lines up and presents opportunities.

HOW WEIRD IS THIS?
Last week I was waiting to check out at Wal-Mart and in the impulse buy area, they had all of Garth Brooks CDs for $5.50. 'No Fences' has too many good tunes to pass that deal up as those songs hat will long outlast the groceries, yard rake, socks and cherry car air freshener that was also part of my purchase that day.

The Grand Canyon headline is intended to highlight the frenzy in one of the strangest and certainly most active days of celebrity news reporting about Michael Jackson in quite some time.

NOTE to Fox News and MTV, please don't reprint this story as an actual goal of Michael Jackson to dig a second Grand Canyon.

Tabloids, paparazzi sites and even mainstream news outlets jammed their pages with stories that had the King of Pop and Vegas resident performing everywhere from Luxor to Caesar Palace to his pneumonia deathbed in the hospital.

The day began with a Page Six report that business associates of MJ are planning to build a 50 ft. robot on the Strip that would be visible from airplanes landing at McCarran International Airport complete with laser beams as part of the production of one of the rumoured shows he is planning on the Strip.

What would you expect to see at The Manilow Store at the Las Vegas Hilton? Music CDs, souvenir t-shirts, books about the famed singer/songwriter, and other memorabilia that fans would enjoy. What would you not expect to see? Here are five items that surprised me.

1. Barry Manilow Margarita Mix – I know Tony always tended bar at the Copacabana, but this still seems like a stretch.

2. A Dog Sweater that reads "Trust Me, My Owner is a Manilow Fan." I guess there's nothing wrong with it, until your pooch runs into a dog that prefers Zeppelin.

For 'Star Trek' fans, one of the best things about living in or visiting Las Vegas is the Star Trek Experience at the Las Vegas Hilton. Every couple of months I spend part of an afternoon there, looking over the memorabilia in the shops, playing with the food replicators, having a Class M Pizza at Quark's, and hanging out with fellow Trekkers, and the occasional Klingon, Borg and Ferengi who are there to pose for photos and plot the Federation's demise.

And for guys, no visit is complete without setting off the talking urinals in the men's room.

While most every other celebrity on the planet loves Vegas, apparently Batman doesn't care too much for Sin City. I'm not talking about Keaton, Kilmer, Clooney or even Adam West for that matter. This is the actual Batman.

It's not like this is malignant gossip planted by a nefarious villain, either. This is straight from the bat's mouth as quoted in the new comic book 'The Brave and the Bold #1.'

The story follows Green Lantern and Batman and their alternate identities, Hal Jordan and Bruce Wayne, through a men-in-tights adventure that leads them to Las Vegas. As you can see in the art below, as they are flying in over the Las Vegas sign, which apparently is set in a forest, Batman says he doesn't like Las Vegas. In the ensuing banter, Green Lantern slams Batman's wardrobe and Batman tells Green Lantern that he fits in with Vegas. I don't see too many guys that are not in a Cirque du Soleil show running around in tights and it's not like the Green Lantern is flying around with a half-yard of margarita.

The mighty Cirque du Soleil entertainment conglomerate fired a legal salvo against 'Madhouse' creator Jeff Beacher this afternoon claiming that he's infringing on their name and reputation, but it's backfired because Beacher now wants them to apologize!

Cirque issued a cease and desist order demanding that he stop using their name and refrain from advertising Cirque's name and image on his website or in any media.

But Beacher is baffled and bemused by the David and Goliath blunder! "I never even thought of using their name or calling segments of my 'Madhouse' shows with their name. I've never used their name in my advertising or promotion and wasn't even planning to."

His lawyer, Mike Heller, went even further. "My client has been an outstanding and law-abiding citizen in Vegas for many years. He has created a show that brings laughter and joy to the tourists and locals of Las Vegas. In 2005 Mayor Goodman gave him the key to the city of Las Vegas for his amazing achievements and he continues to contribute to the community. Mr. Beacher is a philanthropist and innovative in his line of business."

Now Beacher and his lawyers are demanding Cirque issue a retraction and apology. "Mr. Beacher appreciates Cirque du Soleil and would never use their name in vain. We ask for a total retraction and apology from Cirque du Soliel," said attorney Heller.

The whole legal row exploded over a new contest that Beacher plans to have in his new series of Hard Rock Hotel shows starting March 31. The contest is simply titled the "Orgasm Contest."

Beacher believes that Cirque's lawyers in Montreal, who vigilantly protect the name, image and reputation, blamed him for something posted on two obscure Indian websites, which are cited in the legal documents.

He explained: "I have no intention and never have even thought about calling my orgasm contest the Cirque du Soleil Contest. I'm calling it exactly what it is, an Orgasm Contest. If you look at Exhibit A and Exhibit B you will notice that they are blogs out of India if they did more than two seconds of research they would have realized I never called an orgasm contest the Cirque du Soliel Contest. I cannot be held responsible for somebody a million miles away in India using Cirque's name to illustrate or describe something I'm doing. I have never been to India. I am never going to India and I doubt if any Indian citizens will be fighting to come to Vegas to see my orgasm contest."

"I know I'm no stranger to controversy. but this is ridiculous." he said.

LUXE LIFE obtained a copy of Cirque's legal instructions to Beacher. The Montreal lawyers state that Cirque du Soleil contends that Beacher is "organizing a female orgasm contest at The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas on March 31, 2007 (the "Event") and that this Event is being advertised under the name CIRQUE DU SOLEIL on several online publications."

"We didn't. We aren't. We won't be. Now they must apologize and retract their lawsuit because it makes us look like the villain when in fact they are!" he summed up. "We have done nothing wrong. We weren't even planning to do anything wrong, yet they have threatened us as if 'Beacher's Madhouse' was going to topple their empire."

Also Pop-ular in Vegas Right Now:
- Luxe Life: Michael Jackson Talks About His New Life in Vegas
- Luxe Life: Paula Abdul Talks Slurs, 'Idol' and Being Woman of the Year
- Luxe Life: Springtime for Hasselhoff
- Dry Heat: 'Producers' Is Hoff-tastic
- Dry Heat: Old School Vegas
- Luxe Life: NBA All-Star Festivities & MAGIC
- Luxe Life: Vince Neil's Surprise Birthday Party
- Luxe Life: NBA All-Star Party Central
- Luxe Life: Kevin Spacey Brings Down Vegas

Comic book readers of a certain age will remember The Brave and the Bold, a classic long-running DC series that teamed up silver age characters against menaces too big for one superhero. This month The Brave and the Bold returns to comic shops with a new #1 issue written by Mark Waid, with a cover by the brilliant George Perez.

Batman and Green Lantern are featured in the first issue, as they travel from Gotham City to Las Vegas on the trail of a frightening new weapon. Somehow, I can't picture either of these guys taking in Celine Dion's show, though Green Lantern might take a side trip to the Thunderbirds Museum at Nellis Air Force Base, as he used to be a top test pilot. Yes, I do know too much about comic books.